I lied.

Sometimes (and yes, i realize most of my blogs start with this word) I just need some attention.
Like, I want to complain about something so that everyone else feels sorry for me and for those few moments I am what they are thinking about. Me. me me me. how selfish.

Today i was selfish.

I was at Hobby Lobby. Working. Cashiering. Saying, "hullo how are you today?" "oh i'm pretty good," the lady will say (rarely does a man buy something at hobby lobby). and sometimes, depending on if she's conscious of my presence or not, she'll even ask me how I am doing... me. Teysha. The girl who exists in my head. Not their's.

My contacts were giving me trouble, handing it over on a silver platter. They were fogging up and scratching my eyeballs like crazy. I never keep track of how long I've been wearing them but I always think I should. Ha. I contacted (pun definitely intended) my roommates to see if they were available to bring me some new, soft, delightfully moist ones... and they weren't. awesome.

I have a choice at this point. I can either tough it out like any other normal human being or I can play the 'woe is me' card. I like playing cards, so I start to say something. Not to everyone, no, not at first. Just the cashier closest to me. I say, "uh man" and I rub my eye, my right one. Yeah, that one is giving me more trouble. She says, "what's wrong?" Yes! I've totally got her attention. I say something suave like, "oh nothing. Just my contacts. I think I need to change them they're really dry. No biggie" Then I ask her about the new buttons on the register. perfect...

I continue this pattern until I believe everyone has at least some knowledge of my subtle pain. Now it's time for the bathroom.

Sometimes I wish I could just get hurt... in a minor way. You know, crash into the person next to me, knowing we'd be fine and it would only be my car that got damaged. How neat would that be? I'd have to get rides everywhere... explain to people how I broke my nose and right thumb... they would love to hear me talk. I would love it. As a child I pondered jumping out of the swing when it was too high just so i could skin my knee. I longed to break my arm, to get the flu. To fly... but that's different. I was willing to do these things on purpose... and play it off as an accident.

Tonight I finally followed through.
I lied.
I played a game.

I went to the bathroom, attempted to clean my contact off with water, and then had a thought. This thought was in my mind for only about two seconds so I sure didn't think it through. I thought, "why don't I just rip my contact in half? on purpose?! THEN.." and then I ripped it. Well, it didn't work the first time so I did it again (Jesus?). And IT WORKED. I proudly stood there with two halves of sight in my fingertips. Now I was blind in one eye. How immensely exciting!!! I get to play the handicap card!!

I went and told Kaycie that I had a problem, I was cleaning my contact and ripped it (truth... but a lie at the same time. perfect). She said awww Teysha what are you going to do. and I was just like 'oh I don't know my roomates can't bring me another one so I may have to go home.' Man, this was great! I tried ringing people up but found it impossible to do without my usual sense of depth perception. I went to ask my manager if I could go home to get new contacts. How awesome is this? I may get to go for a drive, listen to music, maybe even grab a snack while I'm at the house. When I ask him he says, "well I do just fine with one eye every day. You'll be fine!"

Great. I've forgotten a very important factor. . He only has one real eye, the other is glass. I will find no sympathy here.

Definitely should have thought that through...

God has a great sense of humor.

Subtle Oceans

I was driving down South Fredonia to my advising appointment 3.7 miles away from my house. It's a long drive, but I enjoy it as long as those 30-mile-per-hour old fogies don't form a mexican road block (not racist) in front of me on north street. anyways, so I was driving... and I was hot. Sticky hot. And anxious. And wondering what I should major in. And running late. And the air-conditioning is not working. My window is open but it's not good enough. I need an air stream. Like out of a jet engine. I'm going over that hill that on my bike seems like a mountain. Mt. Everest. I role down the opposite window ...ssshhhSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now I can't hear my music at all whatsoever and it's because I'm speeding. 61 in a 40. and the tornado that's happening right here between my seat and the passenger's is LOUD. and then there It is..

that relief.

it starts behind my ears. that coolness. those fingers of ice sliding in.
the roots of my hair are still damp from my shower and at this point I'm so thankful.
this 89 degree wind blowing into my car is turning into frigid a/c as it touches my scalp.

my hair is blowing everywhere, but elegantly. I'm cool. I'm happy. I'm an air mermaid.



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Tonight I painted.
and danced ballet to yo-yo ma.