So today I made some mistakes. But at least I solved some controversial issues:
WOMEN CAN'T DRIVE.
Yes it is true after all. Women officially suck at driving. All of them. Why? Because I backed into a car today. I didn't want to be the last one in the caravan because then I would have had to shut the farm gate behind me. No, no. I will not be exiting my air-conditioned car to shut a dirty gate in the middle of a field. I may get a sticker in my foot, after all. In an attempt to avoid such horror, I got too excited and prematurely put my vehicle in reverse. Next thing I knew, my car stopped with a jolt and it was then that I decided it was the appropriate time to look in the rear-view mirror. Ugh. Sure enough, there was someone parked behind me. PARKED. As in, I had to walk around her car in order to get to mine and I STILL forgot it was there. Such an idiot! The damage was only a very dent front license plate and a bashed grill on her car. My sturdy Honda was A-OK. It was the darn hitch that hangs out on my back bumper that penetrated her front. If it weren't for the hitch, probably nothing would have happened. But the hitch was like having a hammer slammed into her car. Thankfully, my new "Love Your Mother" bumper sticker wasn't scratched.I suck. I am a woman. The lesser sex. A man would have heroically and handsomely volunteered to be last so he could shown off his guns and shut the rusty gate with one shove of his muscly forearm.
WOMEN CAN'T MANAGE MONEY.
WOMEN TAKE FOREVER TO SHOP.
WOMEN ARE INDECISIVE.
I went to Lufkin to buy a swim-suit. That is what I went there for and that is what I came back with, plus two dresses. I only had $20 of my own but my gracious mother was fine with helping out (with the good ol' credit card). Swim suits are freaking expensive. A top and a bottom each cost $20! After an hour and a half of being indecisive, and with a 6 garmets in the dressing room at a time limit, I finally decided on a top and bottom combo. Then on my way back to replace a M with a L I came across a beautiful shift dress. It was the cutest thing I've ever seen. OH NO. I definitely didn't have the funds for this. I called my mom and explained to her my situation and she was surprisingly cool with me getting both it and the swim suit. EXCITED. On a last perusal of the sale racks, I found a GORGEOUS dress, just my size, and it fit as if it was made for me. This is a rare occurance. I have an odd body shape that means the only thing that fits me right usually resembles a circus tent. So, needless to say, I had to have this dress. After some cell-phone discussion with my mom, once again, she said I could get them all! (let me just add in here that I never shop. The only clothes I've bought this semester have been from Goodwill so I think this is why my mum was so generous). I paced the juniors section for awhile trying to decide if I really needed the expensive, even when on-sale, dress(es). I called some people to get their opinion, I tried it on again, I sent my friend a picture of it... All pointed me towards the checkout line, number 5, with the nice-looking cashier. I bet he won't judge me by my purchases. It was a good thing I finally checked-out. I think some people were starting to recognize me as that girl who had been here for 2 hours with the same 4 things in her hand. I grabbed some brown aviators for $5.99 because I've been trying to find the perfect pair for years. Who knows! These could be them! The corpulent total burned into my brain. I stashed the reciept in my purse like it was gold. I always had the option of returning, I kept telling myself.
If I were a man I would have waltzed right to the swim-suit section, picked up some trunks, (just my size, and my favorite color - green), and taken a beeline to check-out number 1, because it's closest to the door. I would have been in and out of Target in a matter of 10 minutes top. I would have spent only $15.99, not that times 6.
AMERICANS ARE MATERIALISTIC.
Uh! No Waaaaayyyah!
